Do you remember when you were in tune with another person maybe with a friend or a lover or a relative?  You more than likely had similar views on something, you could understand them and they could understand you.  You had rapport with each other.  Most people who form a relationship have something in common that brought them together in the first place such as an evening class, work, travelling on a bus together every day. Building rapport is a ‘must have’ on any self esteem curriculum.

The way to create rapport is discovering things we have in common with people and copying or “mirroring”.  You can do this by mirroring their actions and activities.  Much of this is done by talking about your common associations to each other but by far the greater impact is made by copying their tone of voice and how fast or slow they talk and also by copying their body movements – how they stand, their gestures.  What happens is the person you are mirroring/copying starts to feel that you are like them, so you must be okay.  This creates a bond, a rapport.

“I like her because I smile at her and she smiles at me and means it”.  Anonymous

You don’t have to copy everything to build rapport.  You probably already do a lot of mirroring without knowing it.  Think about it, when you talk to someone who speaks quietly you would normally speak quietly back them.  The person subconsciously feels that you know them and they know you.  You are entering and understanding their world. Things you can do to enter their world can be:

·        Talking about things you have in common

·        Ask questions about other things about the person, their family, their work, their passions not just the thing you both have in common

·        Take time to listen to what they are saying

·        Mirror how they speak – their tonality, pace, language

·        Copy their physiology – posture, gestures

·        Talk to them in a way that shows you understand who they are and what they want – be empathetic

The key to building rapport is to be adaptable, to change your words and actions until they mirror the world of the other person.  To make successful relationships you need to be able to create rapport , a bond between you and the other person.

"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are." Thomas Dreier Author

Just think of all the times that being able to  build rapport will be an asset to you: at work or at an interview – build rapport by mirroring the interviewer, meeting new business clients you can make a connection with them, making friends – mirroring their ways will ensure they do not see you as a threat, they feel that you are like them, you are part of their world. Put this on your self esteem curriculum now, at home, at work, shopping. If you can connect with someone, mirror them, you will be building your confidence by mastering communication by the magic of rapport. Take action and start creating the magic of rapport NOW!